Evil? You Mean BadAss!
by Hikaru Yoru
Summary: Who are the Akatsukis? What do they do? They strike fear into the lives of others, of course. Watch as these guy come together and try to be the villains they really are.
1. How To Be Evil

**Author's Note: This will be just a very few super short chapters on the Akatsuki. Hopefully you enjoy this short series ^^**

**Disclaimer: I really do not take any credit for Naruto characters. I swear!**

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**Chapter 1: How To Be Evil**

It was noisy in the cave as usual. Hidan, Kakuzu, Konan and Kisame have all gathered around a poker table, each chipping in their desired amount. Zetsu seemed to be still and was literally sticking out his body on the side of the wall, enclosed in his venus flytrap. Deidara was doing a clay sculpture and Tobi sat down to watch the artist at work. Sasori was mocking his art and fixed some of his puppets that were either broken in battle or was improving them due to pure boredom. As for Itachi, he was reading a novel on the couch. How he could focus was a mystey.

Pein have then entered the room with an air of upper status as he is ready to make an announcement. Despite having a group, what was their purpose?

"Everyone, lately you guys have been slacking off on your duties..."

"ALL, mine baby!" Kakuzu gloated as he hugged all the chips to his side of the table. Konan slammed her head on the table in defeat and Hidan called it an outrage. Kisame was skeptical and claimed that the player cheated.

"I didn't cheat. I just play better" Kakuzu answered.

"BULL SHIT! There's no way someone could win every single damn round!" The Jashinist cussed out.

"Guys..."

"TOBI! The bird is not suppose to be sat on, yeah!" Deidara was trying to get Tobi off his giant bird sculpture but Tobi hung onto it. "Look Senpai, I'm flying! Wheeeee."

"TOBI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Deidara shut up. Just let the kid play with with your clay toy" said Sasori as he attached another arm to the puppet.

"T-t-toy? This is a masterpiece, something YOU suck at doing! Your crap of art are dolls made for girls."

"Excuse me? I refuse to talk at your certain level."

"No need to worry. I pretty much already figured out your immaturity Sasori. We all now my art beats yours by a long shot, hm."

"Oh no. Here it goes again" complained Zetsu as he completely hidden himself in the wall.

"Everyone!"

"YOU CALL THOSE PETTY CLAY THINGS ART? They're only worth as child's play at best! You don't even know what you're talking about. Art is eternal and everlasting just like my puppets."

"CHILD'S PLAY? You have a DOLL! A DOLL! Your everlasting art crap is just like your age, ancient. Real art is fleeting. It just takes one glimpse to appreciate the one moment you will only see like an explosion!"

"AKATSUKI!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at Pein. Kakuzu still continued to hug his treasure. Pein sighed and proceeded with his speech. "Like I was saying, each and every one of you have been lacking in your duties in creating havoc. Do you guys even know why we are an evil organization in the first place?"

"We're here to be together and become best friends forever!" Tobi cried happily as he hugged himself tightly to show emphasis.

"Make money, of course" said Kakuzu.

"To show how weak everyone is" Itachi replied.

"To kill" said Hidan bluntly.

"To protect the world from devastation?" asked Konan.

"You mean to unite all people within our nation" Kisame pointed out.

"Explosions!" Yelled Deidara.

"Anything but explosions" said Sasori.

"I thought it was suppose to just make us look bad-ass for being in a cool club" Zetsu thought out.

"GOD DAMMIT! ITS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD YOU DUMB ASSES. And we're not a club. We're a group of evil villains. Get that through your thick heads!"

Pein gave out a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Without trying to yell, he commanded, "Today, I want you guys to do one thing. ONE easy task. So easy that even a genin could do it. Do one evil task. This will bring up our reputation and I'm just asking you all to do one evil task."

"Tobi can do that!"

"I bet you would fail" said Deidara.

"Just get out and do it!"

This is where their adventures finally began.


	2. Epic Failures

**Author's Note: Alright this will be the second chapter. Hopefully you guys like it, but is there any ideas I should put in here? Is this good? Bad? Review so that I know what I need to improve on and do. Arigato!**

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**Chapter 2: Epic Failures**

The Akatsuki were all gathering outside now, since Pein kicked them out of the cave. Each of them stared at one another, at lost on how to start their assignment.

"Great, I really don't want to do this, yeah" said Deidara as he was still furious about Tobi's annoyances and Sasori's mockery.

"Eh, should be an easy task. I mean come on, it's just ONE evil deed. We did plenty of those in the past" said Kisame.

"Yeah, that's right!" Konan exclaimed.

"I know what you mean! Remember when we...you know...that time when...uh what exactly did we do?" asked Zetsu.

"Well, we stole money!" Stated Kakuzu.

"But any thief could do that" said Itachi.

"Well, uh...Itachi kicked Sasuke pretty bad that one time" suggested Kisame.

"Isn't he's Itachi's younger brother."

"Yeah...Why?"

"Never mind, but did it kill him?"

"Well...no."

"Well, forget it then."

"What about you Konan-San? What did you do?"

"Well, I once gave this kid an origami rose."

"That's not evil at all!"

"But it gave him a paper cut!"

"Oooo Tobi doesn't like those at all! Poor kid."

"Damn it to hell! This is why we have this shitty assignment in the first place! All of you are fucking pansies who can't do anything right!" Cried Hidan.

"Are you saying you did something to contribute to this group?" Sasori asked.

"Hell yeah I did! I once killed a kitty for a sacrifice I had to do for Jashin-Sama."

Everyone looked at Hidan and gasped. Konan covered her mouth to hide her shock and Tobi fell to the floor devastated. The only one who was not fazed by that fact was the one and only Itachi Uchiha. The said person glanced at Hidan who glared at the prodigy.

"What?" He asked.

Itachi continued to stare at him and in his silky, velvety voice, he finally spoke. "Did you really kill the cat?"

"Of course I did! Why else would I say it?"

"I can see that your anger is getting the best of you."

"That's fucking shit talk here!"

"Hmm, Itachi might actually have a point" said Zetsu.

Everyone stopped panicking for a moment and all glanced at the talk battle between Itachi and Hidan. The Jashinist's face was turning red as tomato while the prodigy stood still with no hint of emotion shown on his perfect face. One word was all it took for Itachi to win the conversation.

"Liar."

"Okay, okay fine! I didn't kill it! You happy? It was so goddamn cute and fluffy and the face was just...GAH! I CAN'T TAKE THE CUTENESS!"

"Whoa, Itachi is good" whispered Tobi.

Everyone agreed and nodded.

Still at lost, Itachi suddenly turned and left on his own to complete his mission.

"Itachi, where are you going, hm?" Deidara called out. He then heard a "task" and with the rest in a quiet whisper.

"Well, I better start too. The faster I complete this assignment, the faster of a chance that I can go back inside the cave" said Kisame as he stretched his arms above his head.

"Okay, see you guys at the cave later, yeah" said Deidara as he also left on his own. Soon, the rest dispersed and went their separate ways.

Inside the Akatsuki cave, Pein banged his head against the rocky, entrance door several times. The members were right outside, so it was hard NOT to hear what was happening outside.

"What have I ever done to deserve a group of useless fools?" Pein asked himself as he continued banging his head against the rock.


End file.
